It is what it is : Lead without getting frustrated

Are you sad or glad that it’s September? I’ll be honest, I’m a bit relieved.

The heat and humidity of the past few months (I’m built to live in Scotland not Surrey), a nasty summer cold and the stop-start nature of the holiday season have meant I haven’t always been able to do many of the things I love, like tennis training.

What I knew wouldn’t help is getting frustrated. It is what it is. I can’t control the circumstances, only my response to them. (And I completely get that these are first-world problems!) 

Talking of frustration…

The other day, I had a coaching session with Liz*, six months into her role as a new Partner in a City accountancy firm. She was frustrated because her team aren’t delivering despite her efforts to help and guide them. Which means she’s having to have uncomfortable conversations with clients to renegotiate deadlines.

Liz feels powerless because she can’t easily fix the problem – there are a number of underlying issues that need to be resolved.

We’d already worked on helping her defuse feelings of frustration so she could lead from a calmer and more grounded place. But it was clear we hadn’t got to grips with the unhelpful thoughts underlying it.

As we delved deeper, Liz shared that she’s worried others will think it’s her fault that things aren’t progressing – she feels responsible and she’s afraid of failing.

An “a-ha” moment for Liz was that this situation has nothing to do with her.

The bigger picture is that project management is an issue across the firm – and it would exist even if she wasn’t there. Yes, she can help to lead on a solution, but there is a reality here – and it’s not her fault.

The fact things aren’t working isn’t a reflection on her competence.

It is what it is.

I asked Liz to picture how she’d like things to be in 6 months’ time : a happier, high performing team, satisfied clients, a growing business. The good news is that she can work with her fellow partners to make this happen.

But that’s not going to happen overnight.

It’s a bit like going on a car journey : You can’t magic yourself to your destination – you have to travel there.

The definition of frustration is wanting things to be different from how they are. It means we’re trying to race towards the future instead of being truly present.

We’re forgetting that the destination creates the journey, but we can’t reach the destination without it.

Accept and appreciate…

The key for Liz is to accept the reality of the situation whilst working towards her vision of a better future, in the knowledge she’s good enough.

And, even better, she can notice and appreciate what is working – for example, how hard her team is working hard under pressure.

The more we appreciate what we have, the more we create the conditions to attract what we want to happen.

I’m grateful to Theodore Roosevelt for providing the perfect quote to end this post :

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”