4 ways the Voice in your Head sabotages your leadership

Do you have a Voice in your Head?

Does it say things like, “You’re not good enough”, “Don’t speak up – you might say something stupid” or “You don’t deserve to be here”?

Even though we both know there’s no one else in your head but you, this unremittingly negative Voice can seem so real. Maybe it sometimes feels like there are lots of voices, all competing for your attention.

And when you’re facing new challenges, like a new leadership role, it can get louder and more critical, as though someone’s turned up the volume.

It may feel like it, but you’re not alone.

Our inbuilt negativity bias combined with the exposure and demands of leadership mean that many of us struggle with this mental saboteur which manifests as worry, self-doubt and impostor syndrome.

In my work coaching leaders over the years, I think there are four particular roles this Voice plays : Berating, Ruminating, Extrapolating and Anticipating.

Let me introduce them.

The Berating Voice
When I met Kate*, a senior manager in a Big 4, she was frantically racing through her days, literally running to meetings. She even slept on the sofa so she could work into the early hours and get up super-early to keep on top of her inbox.

Until we drew attention to it, she didn’t realise there was a constant voice in her head. Like a loud radio channel turned up full volume saying, “You’re not good enough – you need to work harder and faster!”

The word berate means “to scold someone vehemently” which is exactly how this Voice feels. It says things like, “You’re a failure” or “What the hell were you thinking?”

It’s like being told off by a sadistic teacher or attacked by a bully, and it’s the voice often known as our Inner Critic.

The Ruminating Voice
The Ruminating Voice is all about worry. It reminds you of everything you’re worried you did wrong or might be doing wrong or that could go wrong – and the implications of that for what people might think about you.

I find for many leaders I coach, this is the Voice that keeps you awake at 3am in the morning with commentary like, “I made a mess of my presentation – what must people be thinking?” or “How on earth am I going to get everything done?” It’s also adept at thinking its way to the worst-case scenario like “What if I get made redundant?”

The word ruminating relates to how cows eat their food – after chewing and digesting, they regurgitate it to start the whole process all over again. Chewing the cud means chewing regurgitated food. This Voice does what the cows do : going over and over worries ad infinitum, like a broken record.

The Extrapolating Voice
When I started working with Jane*, she’d just been promoted to Director and she was feeling like an impostor. The Voice in her Head was saying things like, “All the other Directors are confident in what they’re doing”, “I can see by the look on her face that she doesn’t think I deserve to have been promoted.”

The Extrapolating Voice is all about making assumptions, drawing conclusions about what you see or hear without checking it’s true. It does an excellent job of stopping you from saying and doing things that will make your life and work better, like asking for what you want or need, expressing your opinion or going home on time.

This Voice is also superb at mind-reading. For example, “They were frowning during my presentation – they obviously thought it was rubbish.”

The Anticipating Voice
This is the Voice of “What if” : “What if you don’t have the answer?”, “What if you don’t know what to do or say?” It’s the voice that makes you think that you can’t trust yourself, that you need to try to control the future.

As a new FD, Jim* had to attend high-stake meetings. The Voice in his Head was saying, “What if a situation comes up that you can’t handle and you look stupid?” In response, he literally spent hours anticipating every scenario that might come up so he felt prepared.

What about you?
Which of these roles does the Voice in your Head play most often? Do drop me a line with your thoughts.

Next time, I’m going to share my 7Rs, seven techniques for putting the Voice in your Head back in its box so you can lead with confidence.

*Kate, Jane and Jim are all fictional leaders based on real-life clients