Take charge of the Voice in your Head

In my last article, I talked about the 4 roles the Voice in your Head plays in sabotaging you and your leadership.

The good news is that you can change your mental soundtrack. But before you can do that, you need to believe the Voice isn’t real, that it has no power over you.

There’s no-one else there

The Voice in your Head is just a collection of negative thoughts generated by your brain because we’ve evolved to be on the alert for threats.

But OMG, that Voice – the one that says you’re not good enough or that you’re going to cock something up – sounds so convincing doesn’t it? It feels too risky to ignore.

So I want to reassure you : There’s no one else in your head – it’s just you. No one else is saying those mean, unhelpful things. It’s just electrical activity in your brain.

As Michael Neill puts it, “We think we’re experiencing reality, but what we’re really experiencing is our own thinking.”

The problem is it’s so easy for us to become caught up in our thoughts without even being aware that those thoughts are driving how we feel and what we do – or more often, don’t do. Like Kate, the senior manager I mentioned last time who was literally running to meetings because the Voice in her Head was constantly goading her on without her realising.

It’s too easy to become a slave to the Voice rather than its master.

The house party in your head

So what would be possible for you if you could become the master of your mind instead? Maybe you’d speak up in the leadership meeting instead of keeping quiet? Or say “no” more often? Or go home on time?

Over the last few months, I’ve been using a metaphor to help my coaching clients manage the unhelpful thoughts which, unfortunately, tend to dominate the real estate in our head.

Imagine the noise in your head is a bit like a house party you’re hosting.

You assume everyone there is your friend. But actually there are lots of gatecrashers there who weren’t invited. They’re the ones who sidle up to you and tell you, “You don’t deserve to be here”, or “You don’t know what you’re doing”. 

You think these gatecrashers must be telling the truth, but they’re not your friends. They’re just bullies, full of hot air – all they care about is criticising you and making you feel small. 

They remind me of a bully at sixth form who once told me to my face in public that I hadn’t got an original thought in my head.

Spot the gatecrashers

Your challenge is to see the gatecrashers for who they are, throw them out and replace them with real friends who believe in you – helpful thoughts which empower you to lead with confidence. 

I find the hardest part for most of my coaching clients is spotting the gatecrashers, realising that the unhelpful thoughts in their heads are impostors and not bona fide houseguests. 

Here are some clues to look out for which will help you root them out : 

• You feel worried, anxious or out of sorts.
• You’re people-pleasing, procrastinating or perfecting
• You’re holding back from speaking up about something that matters to you

Whenever you notice any of these symptoms, tune into the thought behind the feeling or behaviour. Ask yourself :

What do I believe about myself and this situation that’s holding me back? Is it helpful or unhelpful? (Tip : if it’s holding you back, it’s unhelpful)

For example, Stephen*, a Director, struggled with procrastination. We realised the main gatecrasher – the negative thought – behind this behaviour was saying, “What if you make a mess of this? You’ll be managed out of the business.” 

If he procrastinated, it meant he delayed what felt like an inevitable reality – failure – repeating a fear-driven pattern he was familiar with from childhood.

Replacing this gatecrasher with an empowering house party guest is key – you don’t want to leave a vacuum for the gatecrasher to return to. Stephen kept repeating to himself, “I can do it. I have all the skills, knowledge and experience I need to do the job well. If I need to, I can ask for help.” 

This isn’t a one-and-done process. It takes constant and persistent policing of your mind. But the good news is you have the power to choose your thoughts.

In the words of Emperor Marcus Aurelius, “You have power over your mind. Realise this, and you will find strength.”

*Stephen is a fictional leader based on real-life clients

I’m Alison Reid, an Executive Coach specialising in helping new leaders overcome self-doubt and lead with confidence. I’m also the author of Unleash Your Leadership : How to Worry Less and Achieve More. Download your complimentary copy.

Sign up to my mailing list to receive blogs like these direct to your inbox.